I agree with comments from Lenita and then Ben. So I just want to add that like all things if it is in moderation (observing porn) then it is just a stimulant like alcohol, drugs, gambling etc. Too much and it becomes an addiction. In small doses, it can give you new ideas (but rarely). Kama Sutra gives us what we need (old wisdom).

Have been (as you know) in a great relationship with a partner and the act of sex becomes a whole new level of L O V E. I can”t explain it in words – but after 34 years with my partner I just say we don’t need porn to stimulate any emotion as it is already there because our love is so authentic. Deep LOVE trumps Deep throat any time, hands down!

“Pornography is the attempt to insult sex, to do dirt on it.” ~ D. H Lawrence.

I definitely agree with you, although i personally have done a lot of work on my “issues” and in fact am truly grateful for exactly how it’s gone! Porn was not the reason for my self esteem issues, nor my “shyness” in the bedroom…That was simply part of my journey to be played out& experienced& born merely added to my references I am very glad though as i said that Ive had exactly the challenges Ive had as its made me who i am today Luckily i am an ever-curious& inquiring being who never tires of learning or self-reflecting, then sharing!

Again, thank you for popping by and i hope to see you again soon

Lotsa love! Xxoo

What does bother me about all of this is how it affected you. I work with so many women with self-esteem issues. Just looking at a regular fashion magazine is agonizing for lots of women (and especially impressionable girls). Many end up with eating disorders. Back to the porn… This is even worse, because if ‘stumbling upon’ porn is a girl’s first exposure to sex, it can really leave her bewildered and pretty messed up about her role in a love relationship later in life.

When I was in the 5th grade, some boys brought magazines to school. Some of the girls went with them and “did things” in an empty room. I’m glad my intuition told me to stay away. Many of those girls now have problems – all these years later. I think that it is impossible to completely shield children and teenagers from it, but we can offset damage with education and being open at a younger age.

Thanks so much for writing this.

xo

Rhonda
@MagneticWoman

If YOU have a problem with pornography, as an adult, then its YOUR problem!

You have to go deep beyond the surface thoughts and emotions and ask yourself why you feel that way, or react that way.

Bridget answered her own question in her ramblings… Bridget does NOT have a problem with porn – she has a self esteem issue that is triggered by pornography!!!

Sharon – Was porn really a factor in the destruction of your marriage?? Or was it your REACTION to your partner watching it?? (I’m not judging, just probing) What was it triggering in you??

I think porn could even be used as a therapy to identify esteem issues in women! Haha…

Now – on to what I think personally about porn.

I think that the most damage porn can do is to create unrealistic expectations in young men about what happens inside the bedroom. I don’t know many women that LOVE having a splatter of baby batter on their face, in their hair, in their eye, and lick it up off everything it touches (I do know a few like that… but not many!) And the danger is that when that 13 year old turns 16/17 and really starts to get sexually active, he will think that what he saw is the norm… He will probably suffer a few disappointing sexual relationships at first, but it should balance out as he gets more experience and settles down into some more serious relationships.

Other than that – I think the only negative thing about porn, especially in relationships is the reaction one partner has about the other partner watching it! All its really doing is pressing the buttons of some underlaying issues – be it insecurity, jealousy, fear of failure or anything else – porn is NOT the issue, its the underlaying emotional issue that is!

My partner and I enjoy a little bit of porn together… not a lot, but it does get the engines racing! (We are usually both soooooooo ready after a few minutes the iPad gets flung to the floor and its on!)

So don’t be a hater – and don’t think your partner loves you any less (or more) because he is watching porn! And if your partner is watching it and its triggering something in you – go see a counsellor or psychologist, because I guarantee there is something else there lurking just beneath the surface! Fix that, and you should be good to go!

Anyway… I’m off to browse some Redtube before we go out for dinner…

Peace!

Ben